Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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