Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the day after is always just damage control
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
