At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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