you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
