dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
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I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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