And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
