once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
