goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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