Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize