my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
