You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
