is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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