I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
