I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We are all done wearing pants today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there is puke in my bra ... again
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