I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
