All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
