So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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