Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
