3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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