I want to make a zoo with you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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