What did we do last night that was yellow?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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