wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
