so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
