A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is Oprah even human
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
