Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
