i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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