Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
