Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
