y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
