the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found a bag of teeth...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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