Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
