well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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