Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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