I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
