So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just invented taco cereal.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
