Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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