We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
