I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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