Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
