is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
