Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
