I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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