What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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