Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
