Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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