Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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