The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
