we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
