I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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