I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
