fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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