she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
