You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
