Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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