I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
