oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
