his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
