I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
