I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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