im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
