Do you still have your period?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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