The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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