This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize