OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
