Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
