4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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