im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
