Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
