Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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