Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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