She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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