Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I cut my penus on the lid.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
