Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
