Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
