Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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